Who really wants to get dragged out back and beaten for being stupid? Here are some friendly guidelines to consider when playing cards:

Conversation

1. Okay, sure. It's cool quote Teddy KGB in your best Russian accent, but let's keep it off the table. We've all watched Rounders, Maverick, WSOP, etc, but in a real tournament it's considered novice and immature. If you have to, get it out of your system early.
2. Also considered novice is using the stereotypical nicknames for your hands. Cowboys (K-K), Ladies (Q-Q), Ducks (2-2) push it. Pocket Rockets (A-A), J-Horns (J-J), Dead Man's (A-8) are close to unacceptable. The general rule is if it takes more syllables to say the nickname than it would to call your hand, DON'T do it. Oh, and never call your hand by the pro's name famous for it (ie: The Doyle Brunson, 10-2). That's just plain wrong.
3. Don't announce your hand after you fold. We've all thrown away winners. It hurts, get over it.
4. If you fold, try not to ask if he had it. He had enough to beat you, and do you really think he'd tell you the truth?
5. Don't ask to see the flop if everyone folds. Even if you flop the Royal, the lack of betting ruins the story. Why poke a stick at a dead rabbit?
6. Teasing is good fun. Taunting will get your ass beat. Know the difference.
7. Be polite. Congratulate a good play, maybe even the lucky draw. When his pocket Kings beat your pocket Aces because the river makes his set, get mad but don't lose your temper. I promise you'll win those more than you'll lose.

Dealing

1. Always offer the cut. They are less likely to call you a cheat if someone else hand a hand in the shuffle.
2. It's okay if you can't riff the cards. Shuffle as best you can. It's more annoying when the cards spill all over than you taking an extra minute to chop the cards cleanly.
3. Deal to the left. Cut to the right. Nobody wants to remind you this.
4. Make sure you tilt the deck down when you're dealing. Wandering eyes will see the cards if you let them. Cards are also less likely to flip over when you slide them if they are tilted down.
5. If you do flip a card. Always stop dealing and reshuffle. One exposed card changes everything.
6. If burn cards are used. Be consistent in using them. If you switch from 3 to 1 at random, someone could think you are cheating. Why put yourself in that position.
7. Unless the only players in the hand are at one end, always deal community cards in the middle.
8. Pay extra attention to play. When blinds are timed, missing a player or throwing an extra card wastes time. Reshuffling wastes time.
9. It is the dealer's responsibility to call the action. Call the cards for people who aren't sure. Call the bets for people who aren't loud.
10. One more time on that pay attention thing. Never show a card until the pot is right. You don't want to force someone to call because the saw the next card, nor cheat them of a raise, nor let them catch a hand when they were going to fold. These situations are the hardest to straighten out. Especially when there was heavy betting. FYI: if players can't agree on a solution, the uncalled player calls and the pot is split between the playing hands.

Betting

1. Always post your bet in front of you until the round is finished. It helps determine who hasn't called and how much they owe. If you fold, money is immediately pushed to the middle. Once the round of betting is complete, all playing hands push their money to the middle.
2. Never splash the pot. See rule 1.
3. Organize your chips between play. Don't make people wait for your call because you're looking for the right chips.
4. Announce your play before you put up your bet. Especially if you are slow at counting chips. If you announce a raise, announce its amount. Don't make us count your stack or listen to you count up each chip. I promise you, this will get your ass beaten.
5. String bets will cause complaints. Most tables won't allow it.
6. Try to beat in simple increments. Betting a prime number like 47 only slows down the game. Bet 45. Bet 50. Unless it's an all in, you're mostly annoying the other players. Please also don't raise a bet of, say 10, to 11. Adding one chip like that will get you slapped.
7. I realize that the above rules may seem to "contain your style". That's good. Too much character may offer too much information about your game. A tell is a tell.

Playing

1. When you fold, push any bets to the middle, and push your cards to the middle. Holding onto them to see how they would have faired will confuse the dealer, confuse the players, and won't help you win any money.
2. Try not to show your cards to the player who folded next to you. If his reaction tells your hand, it will hurt you. If his reaction misleads other players. They will hurt him.
3. If you have to peel the cards back off the table because that's how you look at them, please bend them back. When they lift off the table, they tend to flip over more during the deal, and make it easier for players to peek.
4. Exercise good sportsmanship. Congratulate winning hands. Congratulate a losing opponent on a good game. Pats on the butt are probably excessive.

Note - these are all guidelines, not rules. Your style is your own and head games a very much a part of a winner's strategy.

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